if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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