Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
