I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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