chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
