I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
