They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
