That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
