I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
