i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
