worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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