Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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