she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize