I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
