none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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