I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
