I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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