i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
