it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pants are for mortals
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
