i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize