she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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