The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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