there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
