Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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