You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
