I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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