You really coming over, don't trick.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
