I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
