she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
