i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
