420 ftw
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
