I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
