i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Girls should come with a carfax report
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize