My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize