I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
