When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
