Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
