i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
