I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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