I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
