I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
