Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
