overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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