No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
