Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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