miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
