I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
