I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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