You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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