If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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