physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize