I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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