You made me cry and you don't even care
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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