Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize