I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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