I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
