Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
