Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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