im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
we should paint friendship bongs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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