Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
