ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
