God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Let's paint friendship bongs
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
