i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
