Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
