I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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