I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
