he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
