I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize