you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
