explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
