Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
