someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize