and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
