I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
