I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
