third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
