he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
