this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
