I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Even my vagina gasped.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
