Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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