Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
