Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
