Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the day after is always just damage control
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
