I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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