I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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