my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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