I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
