dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
