im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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