Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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