Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize