So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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