I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
