Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
