Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
