i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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