OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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