I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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