You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize