I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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