loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
