Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
