And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
