Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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