i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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