She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
