Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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