You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
