babies were throwing up all over the place
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
