Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
