there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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